So Long Insecurity – Week 3, Discussion of chapters 4-6

So Long Insecurity book

Hi my friends~ This week’s reading took us into some deep inner places… places that most of us would prefer not to go. I remember that feeling of forced honesty about myself when I read these chapters for the first time. And I also remember telling James that I was more messed up and dysfunctional than I thought!  haha.  If you’ve felt this way after these three chapters, never fear! Hope is on its way. We are tearing down some false positives so that we can build back and heal with Truth.

In chapter four, we looked at some Biblical characters and the insecurities they battled. We can  recognize their insecurities because their words, actions, and reactions gave them away… just as ours do us.  Characters like: Sarai,  Hagaar,  Leah,  Rachel,  Moses.  King Saul,  the Woman at the well, and, the Apostle Paul…

I made a little list of some of their (and our) outward evidences of insecurity. Do any of these resonate with you?

  • Jealousy
  • Feeling Threatened (whether real or perceived threat)
  • Feeling Unloved
  • Feeling Un-valued
  • Disbelief in God
  • Distrust in God or people
  • Disobedience
  • Terror of Loss
  • A Hatred of Someone Else’s Success
  • The Need to be Considered the Best/Top/Greatest
  • Unrelenting Self Promotion
  • The Desire for the Destruction of Others (And taken further, the plotting and carrying out of schemes to purposefully destroy)
  • Constantly Looking for Love and Affection
  • Constantly Seeking to be Uplifted and Praised by others
  • Affirming One’s Own Credentials {or as we say down here: tooting one’s own horn}
  • A Big Ego
  • Continual Condemnation Over Past Sin

The best thing about this list, however, is this quote from the end of chapter four:

“The fact that the inspiration of the Holy Spirit on the pages of Scripture is not dampened by the insecurities of those God chose to pen it is perhaps the greatest testimony to its incomparable potency.  After the likes of Adam, Eve, Abraham, Sarah, Hagar, Leah, Rachel, Saul, the woman at the well, the super-apostles, and Paul, surely we can breathe a sigh of relief that we are not alone in our struggles.  Human flesh and blood have no weakness so strong that God’s strength is made weak.”

A men?  I praise God that He not only knows our weaknesses, but that He will help us over come them and will use us in spite of them. As Luke 1:27 says, “For with God nothing is ever impossible and no word from God shall be without power or impossible of fulfillment.”

Something God has been teaching me this past year finally clicked in both my mind and heart as I re-soaked these chapters.  When someone exhibits one or more of these actions or attitudes, instead of becoming offended, hurt, or defeated, I need to remember that he/she is acting, speaking, or reacting out of his OWN insecurity. Sometimes the very people that bully others are the ones who battle insecurity the most.  Wow!  It’s making me look at those with overbearing personalities in a different light.  Knowing this makes me feel actual sorrow for them (and their families) instead of hurt by or angry with them.  When dealing with difficult and hateful people, it helps to remember that “Hurting people hurt people.”   Our insecurities don’t excuse our sins, but they can explain them.

  • Have you been hurt because someone acted or reacted out of his/her insecurities?
  • Have you been the one to hurt someone else because you acted out of your own insecurities? 

These are some questions to take to the Lord before our own healing can begin.  Forgiveness and seeking forgiveness is hard for one who battles insecurities, but God commands it – for our own good and for His glory – and He will give us the strength to seek restoration with both Himself and man.  Friends, don’t let your insecurities rob you of healing!!!

*    *     *

In chapters five and six, we looked at a few roots of insecurity…those kinds of situations that set us up for an instant fall.  Thankfully, along with each example, Beth shares some Truth from God’s Word, which sets us up for a healing restoration.

These situations provide a breeding ground for insecurity:

  • Instability in the Home – which can promote thoughts such as, “No one will take care of me – even those who should.”  One of our book club ladies gave a wonderful definition of dysfunction in the home: Any time anyone must dance to someone else’s tune… or anytime anyone must walk on eggshells around someone else.  That certainly makes sense, and can foster great and chronic insecurities!

But get this Truth from God’s Word:

“Even when you are old, I will be the same.  Even when your hair has turned gray, I will take care of you.  I made you and will take care of you.  I will carry you and save you.”  Isaiah 46:4, NCV

Isn’t that beautiful???

  • A Significant Loss – A loss of anyone or anything prized, upon which one’s security is based.  These can be losses by broken attachments, loss of face, loss of innocence, and loss of childhood.  Beth says, “Insecurity can result from a broken attachment of any kind, even one that seems relatively minor to others.  If it translated as something huge to your heart, it is huge to God on your behalf.”
  • Rejection – “Nothing shouts a more convincing lie about our personal value than rejection… We can confuse 80 percent reciprocation with 100 percent rejection.” (chapter 5)  Rejection leads terrible thoughts such as:
    • I’m not worth wanting.
    • I’m not worth loving.
    • I’m not even worth liking.
    • I’m not worth pursuing.
    • I’m not worth fighting for.
    • I’m not worth keeping.
    • I’m not worth hiring.
    • I’m not even worth noticing.

This is what God says about us:

“I have chosen you and have not rejected you.  So do not fear, for i am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.”  Isaiah 41:9-10

  • Dramatic Change – Anything unknown or suddenly unavoidable.   Most of us find incredible security in things staying the same.  I know that I do.   Beth pointed out that a history of unwelcomed changes invite us to become addicted to dread – living life with the constant expectation that something bad is just around the corner.  Henry Blackaby’s says, “You can’t stay where you are and go with God.”  I have to often remind myself of that truth.  But more than Mr. Blackaby’s quote, listen to what God has to say about life:

    “Don’t be misled, my dear brothers and sisters.  Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens.  He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.  He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word.  And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession.”  James 1:16-18, NLT


  • Personal Limitations – anything that makes us feel different or inferior.   Beth writes, “Attitude is everything when it comes to limitations, and the way you view yourself will acutely shape how others view you.  Nothing is more impressive than a person who is secure in the unique way God made her…God can bring freedom and vision to your life because of those limitations that you would lnever have discovered without them.  You can let your limitations make you either insecure or unstoppable.”


Chapter five closes with an explanation that our personal dispositions affect how we view our situations.   Often times, insecurity results from the way we’ve coped rather than healed.  But healing is exactly why Jesus traded His life for ours… Taking on our pains and and our sorrows and our sins, giving His life for ours, so that we could live!

Chapter six discusses the two biggest assaults on our security:  The Culture and our own Pride.   Both are screaming “Somebody notice me!”  We could go on for days about these two!

There is a difference between pride and self confidence.   Pride is looking in to look up, thinking and basing everything first on “I” “me” or “my”. Confidence is the certainty of God-given identity and the conviction that nothing can take that away.  It is looking up to look in and basing life and thoughts first on God.

Self Confidence is actually God-Confidence. 

If we stopped our reading at these chapters, we might feel hopelessly justified in our insecure pits.  But let’s keep going – and with God’s help, climb out of the pits of self-awareness and insecurity.


O my soul, bless God.
From head to toe, I’ll bless his holy name!
O my soul, bless God,
don’t forget a single blessing!

He forgives your sins—every one.
He heals your diseases—every one.
He redeems you from hell—saves your life!
He crowns you with love and mercy—a paradise crown.
He wraps you in goodness—beauty eternal.
He renews your youth—you’re always young in his presence.

 God makes everything come out right;
he puts victims back on their feet.

Psalm 103:1-6

What do you think about the info in these chapters?  Do you see yourself reflected anywhere?  Please share…

Next weeks’ assignment?  Chapters 7-9.  We’re tearing down so God can build back up.  Let’s let Him have His way!


About SmellingCoffee

I'm a Jesus-loving, husband-loving, family-loving minister's wife and mom to two college kids, making our home and serving our Lord in the Mississippi Delta. I study, teach, speak, and write for the greatest Boss in the universe. "Faith, Family, Food, Fun, and Living Life brewed in the fragrance of the knowledge of Jesus Christ in every place": That's what you'll find at